24 APRIL 06
14 sentences, week ten:
Before the fever eased, waking often from short sleeps. Once returning from being tied up, blindfolded, with wide tape across my mouth--kidnapped--traveling in a car and after a while I really needed to piss. First I tried saying it inside the tape (useless), then tried repeating a physical gesture (but semi-crossing and uncrossing my legs was making me appear merely restless). Suddenly it struck me that I should use a song. What I thought of was "How Sweet it Is To Be Loved By You," which I began humming at the title in the chorus, and though I doubted my choice at the verse (hard to hum effectively), I just gave it all I had, and after "I want to stop and thank you baby, I just want to stop--" I stopped and stayed completely still. We rode in silence for a few seconds, then the car pulled over and one of the guys in the front seat said, "You need to stop?" I nodded yes and they laughed, sounding good-natured, not like real kidnappers at all. They'd understood, and were (I felt) pleased by our small triumph of communication.
I do not have a therapist nor am I on medication. My father often used the expression: That book is closed. Personal matters take so much time and seem to have nothing to do with me. There was a bar across the street and late at night sometimes there were fights on the street. We were the ones who made sure that the right stuff got saved. A subtle manipulation of the cube... and the ramp goes nowhere.
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