case sensitive: get it here
$650 apartment for $650
13 NOV 05
11 NOV 05
My father (a different guy) is upset. He's in a ranch house (white siding, maybe some brick). "But what about a studio?" he seems to be saying to me (mentally). "What about painting?"
free will, theory of: 1. the belief that, given again the same conditions, humans can will to do otherwise than what they did do.
"Behind the mule is a man. And then the fake horse." *
Tillmans: One morning I was on the subway to the studio and thought, "The most incredible thing now would be to just keep sitting on the train and go to the last stop." A minor action, yet I knew what a deed it would be. Still, I didn't do it. I thought, no, I still have things I have to do. A few days later, I walked again to the tube station, and from that station there are also trains to Brighton, and I just got on one instead of going to the studio and spent a day by the sea. And there I decided to change things and move to Berlin for the summer.
Know what I mean?
PS: Speaking of muscle-building, I put in a request at the library for Sven Lindqvist's Bench Press, a book I heard some bits from on the radio the other day (nextbigthing.org, in show #550). The excerpts were beautiful--very spare and entertaining. Lindqvist says (in an interview at his site), "It was my personal experience that physical training had a liberating mental effect. I started to remember my dreams. Secret doors to childhood memories were suddenly opened. I don't know if others have had the same experience, but when I look around in the gym quite a few gym mates seem to be in a meditative mood." Will I start lifting weights? Finding the time to do more than glance at the book isn't likely this month. Not unless I take the train to Brighton...
He had a light, I had a pain that woke me.
They're taking the boats out of the water. The sound of time passing the old notes. Rereading our old mail, "a place to be remembered." The characters are introduced.
It's dark. Did you sleep? Have I run out of luck? "It's dark. That always takes me back."
I dreamed I had a chalk eraser I could use to erase myself. I loved rubbing it all over me, then walking around--just some smeared chalk dust that nobody noticed.
I've been thinking of Thoreau. And feeling the desire to walk for hours a day, as we used to. The song begins (such a tiredness, another song). But, he said, the search for light must be a long one in most people's lives.
Poetry, the uses. Just as love is an enormous field. Many parts of it have to be imagined, by everyone.
3 NOV 05
"This is not a thing that I have sought, but it has come across my path and I have seized it." *
1 NOV 05